


Here Comes The Briden

by GlungisPaypay69, kirkhuffmanbf



Category: Political RPF, Political RPF - US 21st c., Real Person Fiction
Genre: Bars and Pubs, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Cheating, Coming Out, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Divorce, Drinking, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Emos, FUCK, Fivesome - M/M/M/M/M, Gay, Gay Bar, Gay Marriage, Gay Sex, Goths, Homophobia, Hot Topic, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Makeover, Moaning, Ok I lied, One-Sided Attraction, Parent-Child Relationship, Parent/Child Incest, Politics, Porn, Satire, Satirical, Shopping, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, gay porn, getting drunk, lmfaoooo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29186733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlungisPaypay69/pseuds/GlungisPaypay69, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirkhuffmanbf/pseuds/kirkhuffmanbf
Summary: Trump has begun to feel something for his archenemy Joe Biden. Will this cause him to lose the election and lose his cult following? How will his friends and the whole world react? But more importantly, what will Joe think?Very romantic story, so ages 2 and up. FUTURE SMUT
Relationships: Donald Trump & Mike Pence, Donald Trump/Kim Jong-un, Donald Trump/Kim Jong-un/Vladimir Putin, Donald trump/Vladimir Putin, Joe Biden/Donald Trump
Comments: 18
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Here Comes The Briden**

_~Chapter One~_

The Debate

“Mr. President, please wait your turn!” Chris Wallace spoke from his little desk. Who is he to tell me what to do? “Thank you Chris, as I was saying…” I spaced out as Joe began to talk again. I have tried everything I can to get his attention. I’ve begun using a new shade of orange tanner to impress him. But nothing’s worked. I have loved Biden for years now. His hair, his voice, his hands, his feet, his plump rump, his...

“Hello, Mr. President. Are you listening?” Chris broke me out of my day dream.

“Uh, yes I was. Uh, I was the one who brought back football. By the way I brought back Big Ten football. It was me and I am very happy to do it.”

“That wasn’t even close to the question but go off I guess. Well, gentlemen, that will wrap this debate up. Good luck to the both of you.” 

“What a clown Trump, did you get a little wacky with the tobaccy before this?” Biden spoke softly to be as he walked over. “Haha maybe a little.” I replied nervously shifting on my tired feet. I began feeling hot. “I’ve noticed you’ve chosen a new orange. Nice hot Cheeto look Donny.” Biden spoke and winked before turning to his wife, kissing her on the cheek. Oh gosh golly darn this man is good. I walked over to Melania, smiling at her. She returned the gesture and that was the extent of our interaction as we walked away. I’ve been forced to marry her as a way to conceal my homosexual ways. 

“Donald what the hell was that?” Mike spoke firmly, rushing over to us. “Nothing man, let's just go home.” “No Donald, we need to talk. You've been acting weird. Lets go get some food and talk.”

“Mike I don't think that's a good idea-”

“Shut up you are coming with me.” Mike dragged me away and hailed a taxi. 

  
  


After two hours of drinking and eating profusely I spilled the beans on my little crush. “HAHA OMG YOU LIKE BIDEN?” Mike raised his voice laughing. “SHUT it man. I don’t need the whole place knowing.” 

“Well how do you think Kim and Putin would react?” 

“I don’t know Mike.” 

“Well I ship it. Brump all the way. Brumping be humping in the White House. We have to trick him to like you. You are so undesirable - we need to give you a makeover.”

“Ok Ponce. You do what you think will impress Joey the hoey.” 


	2. shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike takes Trump on a little shopping trip to up his game.

**Here Comes The Briden**

_~Chapter Two~_

Shopping

I hauled myself out of the limo, being dragged by Mike into a store I was not familiar with. "I'm sure this will up your Joey game," Pence said, a big grin on his face.

"If you're sure, Mike. Where are we anyways?" I asked, looking around with my crusty, beady eyes. It was magnificent, like me. 

“This is Hot Topic, Mr. President. Where the cool kids shop.” Pence led me around the store and we chose the most magnificent clothes as we walked. 

Finally we finished shopping. I made Mike hold the bags. I was too lazy to. 

"Put it on my bill," I said simply. The gross looking teen at the counter nodded and Mike and I walked away like the sassy boys we are. I was so excited, I couldn't wait to wear my new clothes. Biden would sure be impressed. The outfit was truly magnificent, like me. 

Melania was angry when I came home with the clothes. "Donny, why is our bank account balance 6 x 3²¥ what the fuck did you buy this time?" she demanded. I rolled my eyes. What a bitch!

"You don't get it, Melania," I stated. "This will help me win the election. Our lovely Republicans love them a good looking President, don't they?" I smiled smugly at my bitch wife. When she didn't smile back I wailed and ran to the Oval Office. "YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!!!!!1!!!" I cried and slammed the door.

I sat at the door, sobbing. My spray tan rolled off my cheeks and into my little baby hands. Melania just didn't get it! She never would. The divorce was very much overdue. This was not truly magnificent!

I was so angry, I decided to tweet about this. "We will win this election, no matter what Sleepy Joe says." I felt bad for shit-talking my crush, but I had to. "I'll catch you all at my next rally! Prepare yourselfs and we WILL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!"

I sent the Tweet and I instantly felt better. I opened the bags and started to get dressed.


	3. Showing Off

**Chapter 3**

Showing Off

I grinned to myself while looking in the mirror. "This is perfect, sure to turn heads." I ran my hands over my chest, smoothing out the material, making last touches before stepping out to Mike. 

"What do you think?" I asked nervously playing with my hands. 

"O..M..G. That is PERFECT!" Mike said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh thank god. I can't wait for the debate." I said with a small smiling on my face looking down. The echo of heels entered the hall. Who could that be. I haven't asked for any diet coke. 

"What do you think you are wearing Donny?" Melania's voice bounced off the big room as she step around the cracked door. My eyes nervously shifted up from my legs to the bitchy witch's eyes. Pence spun around, ready to pop off on her ass. No one messing with his bestie. 

"Oh, n-n-nothing." I mentally hit myself for stuttering. She probably thinks I'm even more stupid than she already did. 

"Why don't you mind your own damn business and get your nose outta my ass". 

"Oh dear lord, Donny, are you really going to let this peasant speak to ME like this?" Melania said, hatred lacing her voice. 

"Uh, y-yes. Yes I am. This is me Melania. And I am in love...WITH A MAN!" I said with a sudden burst of confidence. Mike seemed to have been taken aback as well from the look he gave me but quickly changed to a proud one. 

Melania stared. Then she glared. "You are not going to get out of this so easily Donald. Trust me, there is no way you are going to win the election when you like another man." She turned on her heel and stormed out. 

"YES DONNY IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!" Mike said running over and embracing me.

"

THANK YOU MIKEY! THANK YOU SO MUCH!" I replied returning the hug. 

Our little celebration was cut short by a knock at the door.  
"Sorry to interrupt whatever...this is, but we have to get you guys into the car for the debate." my secretary said with a look of confusion. 

"Oh, yes of course." We separated and began to make our way to the car, the secret service in tow. With a reassuring pat, Mike slipped away in his own car. Taking a deep breath I entered mine as we left for the second debate. All I could do now was hope that Joe would say something to me.


	4. Calm Before the Storm

I sat in the limo with Pence, in my new outfit and with even newer confidence. 

"I'm very excited, Mike. I'm sure the people will love me even more now with my new appearance. This will represent the Republican people. By the way, I brought back chopsticks." I adjusted my slipper - it was starting to fall off. Mike nodded and beamed, decked out in a catboy maid outfit.

"Yes, Donny!!! I'm so excited too!" 

The ride continued for a while. Me and Mike jammed to the ching chong song Oppa Gangnam Style. It was great. Then, "We're here, Mr. President, Mr. Vice President." 

I squealed with glee. Finally I could prove my worth. Mike looked super excited too. We stepped out of the limo and walked towards the building.

Then, when we were alone - not even with guard, Mike grabbed my wrists and got all up in my face. He looked reserved - like he was hiding something. I observed him - his twinkling blue eyes, his crust-covered nostrils, his decaying breath, his greasy white hair. We found ourselves nose to nose. "Good luck, Donny," said Mike. "I'll be cheering you on."

With that, Mike smooched me and left me dazed and confused ashe ran away.

\- 3rd Person POV -

Biden loomed in the shadows of the stage, stopping Mike with a firm hand to the shoulder. He stepped foward and hissed in his ear, "Hello, Michael."

Mike glared at Biden. "Hello, Joseph."

"That's Joe to you, Michael." He sneered. "I am not a fool, Michael. I know you're trying to woo my Donald. You'd better quit while you can."

"Your Trump. You aren't campaigning with him are you-"

"All I'm saying is that you better watch your back, Michaelangelo. I will not hesitate to turn this into a fivesome." And with that Biden left, leaving Michaelangelo also very dazed and confused.


	5. The Last Debate

I swayed back and forth uncomfortably. I was beginning to shake from nerves. In just a few minutes the curtain would pull back and cameras would be on for the whole world to see. My son, Don Jr. came up behind me shaking me out of my daze with a strong pat on my shoulders.  
“You ready for this, Dad? You look a bit out of it.” He said is his dumb gay closeted, condescending voice.  
“Yes, Don. I’m fine. Now would you please get off me, you’re going to wrinkle my suit.” I said with slight concern. I couldn’t be looking any more wrinkly than I already am, even if it's just my clothes that get an extra wrinkle. I need to look as smooth as possible for Joseph.  
“Fine, but you better not screw this up. Mommy told me what happened earlier. Do not disgrace our name.” He said with a sneer before walking off stage.  
My palms became slick with sweat. Now my son knows my dirty little secret. A total of three people (that I know of) know that I am in love with a man. Well, not counting Vladimir Putin, Boris Johnson and Kim Jong-un. My three little fuck buddies go way back.  
I saw something moving toward me from my left and looked up quickly.  
“Hey, Don. Looking a bit nervous now are we?” Oh great. This couldn’t get any worse.  
“No no. I’m fine Joe. But thanks for the concern” I said turning my body to face him. We were standing no more than one foot apart. My hands picked up pace with their sweat production, now dripping onto the shiny stage.  
“Well it looks to me like you are a bit shaken up. We can’t have that happening right before the last debate.” He said with a knowing smirk. Oh great. He knows. He knows about my crush. He’s going to tell everyone on live t.v and my chances of getting re-elected are out the window.  
“No i-it’s just the lights. And the suit is a bit tight, that’s all.” I replied in a hurry, hoping he will drop it and just go away. I slid my finger between my neck and the collar of my suit.  
“Oh it’s tight alright.” Joe said in a low growl.  
A shiver ran through my body. Oh god, please no. I prayed that he would just walk away. Walk back to his podium and wait until the debate began. But instead he got closer. Now only inches apart he whispered in my ear.  
“I know what you want Donny. Michael told me all about it.” Dammit Mike. This could cost us the whole debate. What was he thinking?  
“I-I don’t know what you mean.” The sweat picking up pace.  
“Oh you know exactly what I mean, Donald.”  
He placed his hands on my chest. My knees became weak. I looked into his eyes as they became dark.  
“You want me.” With one finally smirk and a wink he spun around and headed back to his podium.  
“Pull back curtain” A voice over the speaker boomed. Oh no. I turned back to my podium, wiping my drenched hands on my suit trying to think of anything other than what just happened.  
“And we are live in 5...4...3...2...1…”  
More lights came on, highlighting the both of us. Cameras facing us. Chris Wallace glancing between the both of us. Mike, Don Jr. and Melania standing to the side. Joe’s wife and family on his side. I looked forward closing my eyes wishing I was anywhere but here.  
“Are you ready guys?” Chris spoke up.  
“Yes I am, Chris.” Joe spoke confidently looking over at me with an innocent smile. Like what just happened less than a minute ago didn’t. How is he this calm. Is this some messed up joke? Did I imagine the whole encounter?  
“Mr.President?” Chris said looking at me.  
“Y-yes. Yes I am.”

~To Be Continued~


	6. succ

„·'‚º·☆ Biden's POV ☆ •¯¬…″˘·

"That was a mess," I muttered to myself as I went backstage. It doesn't surprise me that Donny would make a fool of himself on public television. You gotta admit, it's cute. His latex pants especially. 

I encountered him coming out of his dressing room. His Cheeto flavour today was jalapeño cheddar. That or his makeup artist was shit at their job.

"Well, if it isn't Donny Trump," I crooned, my animal instincts taking over. Trump blushed profusely. 

"Hello, Sleepy Joe," he said, half affectionately.

"There's no need to hide it." I encouraged the man to come out of his cheesy shell. "How about you and me have us some bro time? Forget our rivalry for a night and kick back and relax. Drinks on me?"

Trump pouted like the big ol' manchild he is. "Only if Pence can come, too," he insisted.

 _FUCK!_ rang out in my head. Somehow I would find a way to ditch Pence so I could have the balding mayonnaise man to myself. "Of course," I said through gritted teeth.

"Anything for a pal."

.·'::’‚‛☆‛‚’::‛·.

"We're here, Mr. President, Mr. Biden, Mr. Vice President."

As we stepped out of the limo, I covered Donald's eyes as I led him into the club. 

"A gay sex club?" Pence whispered. "You know how Trump feels about the gays."

"Yeah? He is one." I glared at Michaelangelo - the absolute AUDACITY of this man baffled me. Pence stepped back and I uncovered Donald's eyes as we sat at the bar. I ordered drinks for us and we chatted like pals, our rivalry forgotten. 

"And then I told sthe bitsh, I'mm in love wif a MAN!!!" Trump hollered, a buzz slurring his words. Mike laughed raucously, hicupping. I chuckled myself. Trump was so cute. I reached out and grabbed his little baby hand.

"And the man is in love with you, too," I said, kissing him on the cheek. At once, several male dancers crowded us and put money in our underwear for this little PDA. Donald gave a porcine squeal of delight. 

"I tchould leaf you two aloone for a whiul," Mike slurred, then promptly passed out in his seat. I dragged Trump upstairs. He stumbled behind me drunkenly.

I don't remember the rest of the night, but I do remember falling asleep next to Don, exhausted, warm, and sticky, with alcohol on our breaths.


	7. The Morning After

„·'‚º·☆·Biden’s POV·☆•¯¬…″˘·

‘Hey Donny;) hru bad boy? You still free today;;))’

My heart shattered into a million pieces. The man I had been in love with for years, and who I finally confessed my feelings to, was talking to another man. A man that was probably younger than me, fitter than me, better looking than me, and he wasn’t going to even tell me.

I slowly sat up in the bed where Donald and I had made passionate love. He had gotten up only minutes ago to shower and I had made the mistake of glancing over at his buzzing phone. 

My eyes began to sting, tears almost pouring over. I quickly looked up trying to think of something else, but couldn’t. I had to leave. I quickly got up and walked around the room picking up my clothes. I got dressed and began to walk out of his room. I got to the kitchen looking around for my coat. I couldn’t be seen walking out of this house. I mean, we need to act as enemies in public. 

“Hey, Joey. Where did you goey? Hahaha. See what I did there? I’m such a funny guy. Such a comedian really.”

Shit. I can’t let him see me like this. I began to rush around faster, becoming more frantic by the second. Tears started to run down my face making my vision blurry. Great, this day couldn’t get any worse. Just then a loud smashing sound comes from behind me and I turn around, seeing the mess I had created. 

A big plant pot was broken with dirt surrounding it. Well, the day just got worse. Trump's heavy fat footsteps came down the stairs and stopped at the last one. His smile faded when he saw the scene in front of him. 

I stood with messy hair, an inside out t-shirt, wrinkled pants and socks with tears streaking my face, next to a broken plant pot. 

“Oh Joe, are you ok? What happened?” Trump made his way over to me, his pink silk robe flowing. 

“I saw the message Don.”

“Wait what? From who?” He asked, sounding truly confused. 

“I don’t know. Some guy asked if you were still free today.” 

“Oh Joseph. That’s just Boris Johnson. We were going to meet up for lunch today and I was going to cancel but got a bit busy last night. I wanted to be able to spend the day with you.”

“Really?” I said, my voice going higher at the end and the edges of my mouth slightly turning up. 

“Really.” Donald said, wiping my tears away with his thumbs. 

But the perfect moment was quickly ruined when the door swung open revealing a messy haired, funny looking man, dressed in a Hawaiian button up shirt, colorful swim trunks, flip-flops and a pair of sunglasses. 

“HEY SEXY DONALD! YOU READY TO PARTY!?”

„·'‚º·☆· Trump’s POV ·☆•¯¬…″˘·

“Oh shit”


	8. drama ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh oh stinky
> 
> I WROTE THIS AT 1 OCLOCK OK???

Biden decided to give Boris a piece of his mind. So he did extensive research. 

"Aha," Biden exclaimed. "I've found it. I always knew those Brits were fucked up."

He printed out the google doc he wrote, put it in an envelope, and mailed it to Boris. 

º·:•« 3 days Later »•:·º

Boris checked his mail. He found a letter. Whoa. It was from Biden. Yay.

Boris skipped back to his desk and opened the envelope. It was an extensive history of the royal family's incestuous ways.

"WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?" Boris screeched. "I knew we brits were fucked up." At the bottom of the letter it said,

**THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING BORIS FUCKFACE JOHNSON**


End file.
